ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
