allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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