i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I could fuck to npr.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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