I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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