We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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