Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I did not marry a roomba.
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