I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
someone owes me an orgasm
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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