i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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