The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
