Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
