shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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