The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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