yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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