And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
