That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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