I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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