Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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