I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
