she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
