At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
