Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
