she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I want a musical about memes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
