Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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