Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
