I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
