I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
