I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
