Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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