who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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