It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
