omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
