I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
