It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
