The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please don't give away my fajitas
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
