I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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