Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
