Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
