I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
