I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
