just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
