The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We need to get me chipped asap
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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