TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
