Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
