My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
