The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
