i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
