take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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