just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
