Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
