How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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