I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
