Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
